Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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