Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
