thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
