My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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