apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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