I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
