okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
