i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
