nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
