it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
