Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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