please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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