There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
