omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
