Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
