I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You are the jesus of drinking
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
