you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
