somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please don't give away my fajitas
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
