i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
