Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
