finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
