i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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