Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
