Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
two words: eviction party
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
