Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
