the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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