I bet he comes in French.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
