Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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