I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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