I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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