Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
