some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
