I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize