VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
