but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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