maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
