i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
