I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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