My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
