Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
