I wish I could teleport
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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