yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
