Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
