You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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