the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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