I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
