Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How's work?
Spinning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
