Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
