Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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