If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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