I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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