there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
did i just pee glitter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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