Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
