Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's blow job season.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
