3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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