i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
