don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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