if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
