11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
