I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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