And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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